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Also on a smaller note not having a easy tikme staying sober I’m broke like I have $0 in my checking accountvlets hope it’s not negative. Again. But it’s easy now on e I have $400 in there it’s not going to be. A dt all. Plus where I’m moving my dealer will be my neighbor pretty much . So I’m go in to be tested big time let’s hope I fight it and not give in. I doubt it. I Don’t think I’m meant to live a happy sober life. I can see myself staying homeless and just giving in and using til I die eventually. Ahhh fear. Fear is always T my door. I don’t let anyone in bcuz then u could hurt me and I don’t like tha ? Idea very much.. Fuck. All these feelings and no drugs? Oh wow. Oh my. This is truly weird. I’m just not feeling like my best right now. Technically homeless right now too bcuz once again of my addiction coming back to haunt me fuck I wish I was at least on drugs to be kicked put then I’d understand like ok u don’t want heroin iin ur house I understand. But come on I’m sober and ur kicki my me out noe?! Do u get how that is such a slap in my face?! Like why even be sober then. What joke Just not happy lately I’m feeling like life isn’t worth tryin g. Just want to go back to bein a ghost.
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